FADE IN

The Starship Enterprise, circling a planet

DISSOLVE TO

The bridge of the Starship, the CREW doing routine work

SPOCK, First Officer, Vulcan

SPOCK

Captain, may I be excused to go to the head?

KIRK, Captain

KIRK

Again, Spock? Damn, that Vulcan bladder must be the size of a walnut. Go ahead.

SPOCK leaves the bridge, CREW resumes work

SULU, Helmsman, Japanese

SULU

Hey, Cap, now I gotta go too.

KIRK

What the hell? Well, go ahead. And tell Spock to quit playing with it and get his green ass back here.

SULU

I believe he would be in the Alien latrine, sir.

KIRK

Oh yea.

SULU leaves the bridge, Spock returns, CREW resumes work

CHEKOV, Navigator, Russian

CHEKOV

I don’t know what was in that Klingon hotdish, Captain, but its running right through me

KIRK

Go, go go. And tell SULU to get back here pronto.

CHEKOV

Ah…he would be in the unisex toilet, sir.

KIRK

Oh yea…that.

CHEKOV leaves the bridge, SULU returns, CREW carries on

UHURA, Communications, black woman

UHURA

Well, I don’t want to be left out, sir…

KIRK

Go for it. Might as well. And tell Chekov to shag his ass back right quick.

UHURA

I think Chekov is in the Men’s can, sir.

KIRK

Dammit! Wait…in that case, I’ll tell him myself.

FADE OUT

End of Scene 1